Accepting the Emotional Limitations of Other People
Emotionally immature people often don’t think, reflect, or explore how their behavior and choices affect others.
Have you ever found yourself asking, “Why are they doing this?!” “They must be so embarrassed?!” “How cringy - this must be a wake-up call for them to look at how they’re acting.” NOPE. I know it may seem obvious, but emotionally immature people are often externalizers, meaning that they don’t have the capacity or desire to look inward. Blaming, shaming, guilt-tripping are all trademark behaviors of an externalizer.
This dynamic can leave you feeling all the responsibility because they aren’t taking any.
Accepting someone’s emotional limitations can allow you to relate to them in an authentic and realistic way. When we expect others to show up in a way that is unrealistic given our past experiences with them, we set ourselves up for resentment and disappointment.
Accepting someone’s emotional limitations doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. It means that you’ve tried everything to get a different experience from them and nothing changes. When a relationship doesn’t change, it’s up to us to change the way we engage with the relationship. Try this and let me know what you think.
It’s also important that we take ownership of our resentment. It’s both LOVING and key to healthy relationships. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. This shows up with friends, coworkers, authority figures, parents, siblings - every type of relationship configuration you can think of. Why? Because we are so good at taking responsibility for other people’s feelings, reactions and behaviors and resentment is no exception.
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